You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
