found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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