Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
