Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
