i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
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I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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