I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
