last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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