I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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