went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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