think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
But break dance skills will only take you so far
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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