Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
