She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sobbing to NWA
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
