We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
