But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
