yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
