Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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