dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
