so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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