He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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