Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
