Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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