Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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