The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I still have a little drunk in my system
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
