I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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