i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He has the fingertips of a God
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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