I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
