My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
