Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
