i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
