yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
please come you make the beer taste better
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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