Yo dont text me then not text me
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
