mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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