is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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