I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
