Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
