The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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