Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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