you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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