A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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