i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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