my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize