i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
