I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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