I didn't shave. On purpose
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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