Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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