I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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