For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
