and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
