I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
