I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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