how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i've created a new STD.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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