tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
