he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
