You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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