Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
