I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
organizing the empties. That sober.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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