You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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