the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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