yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
