I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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