What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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