wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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