I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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