I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
